Birthday
by Revenge and Rainbows
Summary: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, GUYS! TO CELEBRATE I'VE WRITTEN A ONE SHOT FOR YOU ALL! Rated K for mild swearing. Includes Jack Merridew introducing all of our favorite tween boys as bachelors!


**Hey everyone! So, today's my birthday (confetti cannons of "nobody actually cares") and I decided to write a story for it, like when I wrote one for my one year anniversary!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LORD OF THE FLIES OR WILLIAM GOLDING. OH, AND I'M NOT ACTUALLY WILLIAM GOLDING EITHER. KAPEESH? GOOD!**

Disenchanted patiently waited for her friends or whoever was celebrating her birthday with her anyway. She sat atop a throne of bones and sticks. Around her was a never-ending circle of palm trees that swayed in whatever wispy breeze the day had to offer. _Hot damn it's hot out!_ Disenchanted thought to herself as she snapped a palm frond off of a tree and started to fan herself with it.

"ROFLO!" Jumping a bit, Disenchanted looked down to see a red haired boy with paint all over his chest and face and…well…basically wherever his shorts didn't cover. "Come help me wheel this runway over!"

"OKAY A: MY NAME'S NOT ROFLO ANYMORE, IT'S DISENCHANTED, AND B: I'M NOT DOING FREE LABOR ON MY BIRTHDAY, JACK!"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

"I READ LORD OF THE FLIES, DUMBASS!" after a few hours of Jack struggling to get the runway into position (while somehow simultaneously checking his reflection in a nearby pond) he got the runway set up and stood behind a podium that seemingly came out of nowhere. Disenchanted carefully jumped to the ground and sat on the rough, leafy surface.

"Alright, Disenchanted, here's our present to you! I have 7 bachelors here and you are going to choose one _or two-"_ he raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively, "to go on a beautiful trip to Barcelona with you for two nights!"

"Awesome. Can we start?"

"Yeah. Alright, bachelor number one, come out!" a lanky, dark boy with hard grey eyes stalked out from behind the curtain and walked down the runway, looking bored and humiliated.

"This is Roger! He enjoys torture, anything sharp, and killing people! His favorite food is blood! What the hell am I doing, this isn't fucking Toddlers and Tiaras!" he somehow managed to keep the upbeat tone of voice he had throughout the whole intro without breaking character. Wow, this kid had talent.

"Alright, Roger, get out of here! Bachelor number two, it's your time to shine!" a smaller boy came out. His somewhat dark skin gleamed in the sun as he walked down the runway, his green eyes staring at Disenchanted. _Is he interested or pitiful or both?_ She wondered.

"Okay now, Simon enjoys the outdoors, honesty, and being weirdly mysterious! His favorite food is…well…nobody actually knows since he's so batty and no one has bothered to ask him for me RALPH so let's just not include that! His favorite activity is being alone because then nobody can taunt him!" Simon walked back behind the curtain. Next came a dopey looking boy with a stupid grin plastered across his face.

"This is Maurice! He likes 'Wait, is this a test', 'No, I suppose it isn't since Jack just said very loudly that it wasn't a god damn test', and chasing cars! His favorite food is gasoline!" Maurice walked backstage and a well-muscled blond came out.

"And this is Ralph! He's a complete sissy, don't choose him, alright, next!" Ralph shot a glare at Jack and stalked backstage.

"Okay, next is Samneric!" Disenchanted gasped as what seemed like two people fused together awkwardly waddled on stage, their faces identical.

"Samneric likes talking to himself, eating, and taunting himself with embarrassing pictures! Nobody really cares about any other facts about him because he's Samneric and really an embarrassment to us all!" Samneric glumly walked backstage. All of a sudden some really fat kid tried to waddle on the runway but the stage apparently couldn't hold his wait for he plummeted downward. However, his flab got stuck in the hole he had made so his head and awkwardly pushed upward stomach flab still got to see the outside world.

"This is Piggy! He likes being fat and not doing anything about it, eating, and ruining my stage! Piggy, go home, no one likes you!" Piggy shrugged, pushed all his flab down, and shot down the hole.

"AND PIGGY SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMARRRRRR!" Ralph called after him from backstage.

"Okay, the final bachelor is ME, JACK MERRIDEW!" Jack excitedly leapt on the runway.

"I'M AWESOME!" he yelled as all of the other bachelors filed onstage.

"Alright, Disenchanted you have to choose two of us to go to Barcelona! There are three rooms, but you don't have to use them all!" Jack winked. Disenchanted rolled her eyes.

"I want bachelors one and two."

"Yay!"

"DAMN IT!"

"HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT CHOSEN ME?" Jack protested. Disenchanted shrugged and hopped on the helicopter that magically appeared. Roger and Simon hopped on after her as she whispered "you have to pay for all three of the rooms, even if I'll have to babysit both of you the entire time!" she smiled as the helicopter took off, leaving the boys looking like tiny people that would probably be bigger up close if you were actually on the ground next to them as the helicopter took off.

**I know, it sucked, but really, who cares? Review!**


End file.
